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Erectile Dysfunction Radio Podcast
Today’s episode of the Erectile Dysfunction Radio Podcast is about penis size and how it may be linked to erectile dysfunction for some men.
The Erectile Dysfunction Radio Podcast is dedicated to educating and empowering men to address erectile dysfunction, improve confidence, and enhance the satisfaction in their relationships. This podcast is hosted by certified sex therapist, Mark Goldberg, LCMFT, CST.
Transcript of Episode 21 – Penis Size and Erectile Dysfunction
One of the big questions that lingers in the minds of many men is “does size matter” and “am I big enough?” Today we’re going to talk about if this is linked to erectile dysfunction.
So when it comes to the question of whether size matters, I think this is a little bit of a silly question, but it’s one that persists in our collective culture and in our individual minds
On this podcast, we continually emphasize that sex, sexual satisfaction and sexual function are complex, but we as people like simple.
There is nothing more simple than a number or a measurement, it would be great if somebody would give you a number and if you qualify, all the issues that you’re experiencing would go away, that is obviously not reality, but this question about size plays a lot of men.
It is a source of anxiety and other anxieties in the bedroom, this can cause performance issues.
So let’s talk about whether size matters. I want to answer this question with a few more questions. When we ask the size matters question, who is asking?
For what purpose? What do you know about size of penis? What are beliefs and myths about it?
First things first, let’s get some facts straight, what is the average size of an erect penis according to a number of studies? The average length of an erect penis is a little over 5 inches, and the girth or the circumference is a little over 4 1/2 inches.
The vast majority of men were found to be within an inch of this, so in all likelihood, you are somewhere in this range, despite this, many men worry about the size of their penis. I think it is safe to say that the anxiety about size is far more common than is actually justified.
So a few things about the numbers. One, these numbers are not as big as you imagine. Two, you are probably underestimating what you have. Three, men portrayed in movies and porn tend to be outliers.
We still haven’t figured out why these numbers should even matter, maybe they don’t.
So let me ask you, does size matter to you? Or better yet, do you worry about it? If it doesn’t bother you, you are among the lucky minority of men who are secure with themselves, if it does bother you, you are not alone, not by a long shot.
But why does this matter? Does it impact how you feel about yourself? Are you worried about how your sexual partner responds to having sex with you? Do you believe that if you are bigger, you would be a better sexual partner or would be more attractive?
Or do you worry that your size is the reason that your partner doesn’t orgasm? In all likelihood… none of these are true.
An important question to ask yourself is whether this bothers you only when you are in the presence of other people, or if you feel uncomfortable when you look at or touch yourself. Size anxiety tends to be in the presence of other people. Men lose their ability to properly assess their fortitude.
Even if you have measured your size and you know the realities, anxiety can persist.
Anxiety about penis size tends to set in during adolescence, hearing friends and peers exaggerate about their size and their sexual prowess can be anxiety-provoking. It is common to have serious distortions about one’s size relative to peers because of this.
Even when men become aware that most of what they heard back then was bravado and showmanship, the process of worrying can be hard to stop,. Anxiety about size can persist long beyond the high school locker room.
Likewise, someone who enters puberty later than peers, often referred to as a late bloomer, will most likely catch up or surpass physical growth of others.
However, the experience of being developmentally behind can leave an indelible mark on the developing brain. Men in this category are likely to underestimate their physical stature and may be more prone to performance anxiety in the bedroom.
Now, does size matter to her? It’s hard to answer this question as a simple yes or no, there are some women who care about size and have a very different experience with a larger penis. This however, is not common, the vast majority of women who will experience sexual pleasure through penetrative sex will get there with a wide range of penis sizes.
I will also make mention that a lot of women will not experience orgasm through penetrative sex, this is not a function of pensive, this is simply how it works for them. I know this is a hard reality for a lot of men to swallow, but it’s true.
Now, I don’t want to imply that different sizes make absolutely no difference in experiences. Every variation can contribute to a variation in experience. The question is, how much of a difference does this actually make?
What I have found is that how a man treats his partner is a much stronger indicator of how sexual encounters will go rather than the size of a penis or other physical components. Don’t take my word for it though, ask.
Men who feel insecure will often ask their partners about past experiences. The questions will revolve around sexual pleasure, performance, duration, and of course, the penis size of the people that they were with.
Rarely will they ask about at least at the same rate of incessant, how they were treated by their partner, the nature of the relationship and questions like that, men elevate the size of penis to a degree of importance that is oftentimes not justified.
Now, is there such a thing as too big? The answer is yes. Again, this will depend on each individual partner, but a larger penis can cause pain during penetrative sex and can limit sexual pleasure. The mythical oversized penis is not all it’s cracked up to be.
No doubt that there is some form of media or pornography that has probably led you to believe that all partners wanted to be significantly bigger when that simply is not the case. So what is the impact of worrying about size?
Well, any worry that a man has may interfere with erections. When you were worried about general appearance or the appearance of the erection itself, it can be even more impactful. Men who are worried about their size may try to avoid sexual activity and not allow relationships to progress, this can lead to sex-less marriages and broken relationships.
For men who don’t avoid engaging, erectile dysfunction can result. The preoccupation with size can cause men to focus on their performance, be hypersensitive to their partner’s responses and generally feel uncomfortable with erectile stimulation.
Once the anxiety cycle gets triggered, a man can find himself totally preoccupied with his size. Erectile dysfunction can occur regularly in a partnered setting when you combine worry about penis size with poor communication between partners a man can quickly reach the conclusion that his partner is disappointed with his erection.
Nothing will cause the loss of an erection, or not gaining one, faster than being told that you are not big enough. Addressing your size anxiety can make a big difference in working towards the erections that you want.
So what can you do? Here are a few quick pointers: number one, remember, if you are like most guys, you’re going to underestimate the size of your penis. Two, think about what the purpose of your erection is. Now ask yourself, does size really matter? Three, if you are in a relationship and you have good communication, consider taking a risk and asking your partner what they actually think.
Remember, if you push them for every detail of every experience that they had, it is likely that something in their past was enjoyable, it generally does not make a significant difference though.
And finally, number four, be a gentlemen that will go a lot further than another inch or two.
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