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Erectile Dysfunction Radio Podcast
Today’s episode of the Erectile Dysfunction Radio Podcast is about how new relationships affect men with erectile dysfunction.
The Erectile Dysfunction Radio Podcast is dedicated to educating and empowering men to address erectile dysfunction, improve confidence, and enhance the satisfaction in their relationships. This podcast is hosted by certified sex therapist, Mark Goldberg, LCMFT, CST.
Transcript of Episode 7 – How New Relationships Impact Erectile Dysfunction
On this episode, we’re going to be talking about erectile dysfunction and new relationships. I know that this material is not going to apply to everybody, because not everybody is in a new relationship.
I do think though, that some of the principles that we cover are probably applicable to almost any man who finds himself in a partnered setting struggling with erectile dysfunction.
New relationships present some unique challenges when it comes to erectile dysfunction. We’ve mentioned in previous recordings, we’ll mention it again here that relationships can and do play a significant role in erectile dysfunction.
It’s common for a man to be able to achieve an erection by himself and struggle when he is trying to achieve an erection with a partner. That added pressure in a partnered setting can be way more significant in a new relationship. Performance anxiety, pressure to impress, fear of judgment are amongst some of the factors that could be pretty intense in a new relationship.
What do we consider a new relationship? There really is no singular definition. I consider any non-committed relationship to be like a new relationship. The opportunities for safety, security, trust, and meaningful connection are limited.
That’s not a criticism of your relationship. But it is a likely reality. It takes time to build those things in relationships, and new relationships simply haven’t had that time.
New relationships can include a hookup, casual dating, a relationship that progresses very rapidly, and early stages of an engagement or a marriage in cultures that subscribe to very short courtship periods.
It is also important that I mention that some men may find themselves in relationships for very long periods of time. Months, or even years, where there is an established trust, where there is security, but there has not been any sexual engagement with their partner.
When that sexual relationship starts, it can be similar to a new relationship. Even in a generally secure and trusting relationship, sexual engagement can raise anxiety and fears and it can bring out individual insecurities.
If you are in a new relationship, and you’re experiencing erectile dysfunction, there are some things that I think you should consider. Can you gain an erection on your own? Are there any changes to that process now that you’re in a new relationship? In other words, if you are engaging in solo activity, are you still able to do that since you started this new relationship?
Have you ever been in a more established sexual relationship where erections were better? If so, do you think that that is an important component in being able to relax and be receptive to pleasure?
If the answer to that is yes, this may be the single clearest indication that the new relationship, in particular, is impacting your erection.
Do you trust your partner is another question that’s important to consider. It makes sense that that trust is not as deep and not as full, as we’ve mentioned previously.
Another point to consider and something that I’ve encountered in the clinical setting is if you actually want to be in the relationship, and if you don’t, do you feel obligated to engage in sexual activity, even though you don’t want to be there? Do you feel comfortable sharing your preferences, sharing what you like, what you don’t like, what you want?
Or does it feel too new and too fresh, too awkward, too uncomfortable to actually say something? Are you concerned about the size or the shape of your penis? Are you holding on to other insecurities?
Are you trying to impress your partner? It’s very common in new relationships for both parties to try to present themselves as best as possible and sexuality is no different.
I think it’s also important to ask yourself, how much do you know about the person who you’re with? Are you uncomfortable with how much you actually don’t know about them?
Are you uncomfortable with just how much you don’t know? Lastly, have you discovered something that you didn’t expect? Perhaps a feature that you find very unattractive? This is obviously more common in new relationships, as the gap between what you expected and what you might find is generally more pronounced.
If you are in a new relationship and answered yes to any of these questions, there is a good chance that they are playing a role in your ED.
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