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Erectile Dysfunction Radio Podcast
On today’s episode we’re going to be discussing low-desire/loss of libido and how an overall low sex drive can be linked to erectile dysfunction.
The Erectile Dysfunction Radio Podcast is dedicated to educating and empowering men to address erectile dysfunction, improve confidence, and enhance the satisfaction in their relationships. This podcast is hosted by certified sex therapist, Mark Goldberg, LCMFT, CST.
Transcript of Episode 20 – Low Libido, Low Sexual Desire and Erectile Dysfunction
Erectile dysfunction often comes with other challenges, and one of them is a decrease or a loss of libido and desire, libido, sex drive, whatever you want to call it, it’s important to the erection process.
We recently hosted Dr. Robert Segal for an episode on low testosterone, if you haven’t listened, you should go back and find that episode.
Low testosterone is one factor that can contribute to loss of sex drive, but as Dr. Segal pointed out, it certainly is not the only factor. And often times, even with testosterone replacement, men will find that their desire does not return, so today we’re going to explore some of the other factors that can cause libido to decrease.
In our society, we’ve come to associate low sexual desire with femininity and a high libido with masculinity. Men are thought of and think of themselves as always in the mood and ready to go. This could not be further from the truth. 20% of men experience low sexual desire.
Why we struggle to accept this as men and as a society is unclear, but it is certainly not helpful. The shame that men experience when experiencing low sexual desire can be devastating. Shame drives us to avoid and to feel alone.
I remind men that I work with that you don’t need a raging sex drive in order to have satisfactory erections and a satisfactory sex life. Facing the experience of low desire head-on is often the first step to getting there.
Low libido can happen at any stage of life, yes, it’s true that like erectile dysfunction, decreased libido is more common with age, but there are many men who will experience this in their 20s, 30s and 40s.
Most commonly, a man has experienced a more robust libido at an earlier stage of life, and for some seemingly unclear reason, his libido drops off, it’s important to know that number one, you are not the only one, and number two, decreased libido is often caused by factors that can be addressed.
It is less common for a man to experience low libido throughout his entire life. Sexual desire is something that many men grow accustomed to, they learn to rely on it, and they expect it to be as reliable as the sun coming up in the morning.
Men often ignore the components that contribute to increasing libido, and they ignore the factors that drive sex drive down. They tend to focus more on their partners’ experience than on their own. When it feels like the carpet is pulled out from underneath your feet on that libido that you relied on for so many years, it’s just not there, it could be confusing and upsetting and many men wonder where can they even begin to get that libido back.
So let’s just start with what causes low desire? There are a number of factors that can contribute to this, and they’re both physical and mental, one of those factors is exhaustion, our bodies need energy to meet our most basic needs, when we are tired, our energy is more limited and our focus is directed towards sleep.
Our brains are also impacted by feeling tired, and it can cause us to be less receptive to things that get our desire started. Another factor is stress.
Who among us doesn’t experience stress and anxiety? We are busy with a lot of responsibilities and a lot of worries, what you think directly impacts whether you will feel desire or notice the things around you that are stimulating.
Another factor is depression, feeling depressed or down can lead to loss of pleasure or enjoyment, it is really hard to want something that you don’t enjoy.
Sexual desire is often one of the first things to go when experiencing depression, we won’t go any further on this right now, because we’ve covered depression in previous episodes more thoroughly, and I would encourage you to listen to them.
Low self-esteem and body image concerns can also significantly impact desire, you have to feel good about yourself in order to feel desire. If you struggle with your body or with your appearance, it is difficult to feel sexually deserving and sexually desirous, all of these factors can be addressed.
If you are feeling any of these things, if you’re experiencing any of them, and they are common with low libido, working with somebody can really help to make a difference.
Now, the way desire works in each of us changes over time, men in particular, tend to start off their sexual lives with high libido stemming from biological sources, such as an elevated or an abundant amount of hormones.
This automated process also distracts from the role that a man can play in creating desire and in increasing his own libido. Many men do not have to think about this process for years and oftentimes decades, but at some point, this will likely change.
Desire will no longer be something that a man can wait for to just show up, he may have to become active in creating his own desire.
When it comes to desire and erectile dysfunction, it is sometimes hard to know what is cause and what is effect. The experience of erectile dysfunction can make a man not want to engage with himself or with a partner, and conversely not experiencing desire can cause erectile dysfunction in some instances.
The absence of desire is caused by wanting to avoid the uncomfortable experience of erectile dysfunction. If you are experiencing low desire as part of your erectile dysfunction, it helps to understand what is causing it, it is really important to not get discouraged.
I have seen many men who experienced low desire find ways to genuinely and legitimately boost their desire to be able to re-engage with their partners, to be able to re-establish a healthy and satisfying sex life. You can do this, and there are people out there who can help.
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Ready to talk to an ED expert? Erection IQ founder Mark Goldberg helps men resolve erectile dysfunction. He offers individual, one-on-one services to men throughout the world through a secure, telehealth platform. It’s 100% confidential. You can visit the Center for Intimacy, Connection and Change website to
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